Beautiful Destruction
by queermageddon
Summary: Prompt from Anonymous: Daisy needs a break and goes to an empty Afterlife without leaving a message.


**Prompt from Anonymous: Daisy needs a break and goes to an empty Afterlife without leaving a message.**

 **I'm so sorry**

* * *

Daisy knew she should have left a note. With the way Hydra was snatching up Inhumans for their army, leaving without a note would no doubt cause a panic in the base. But truthfully, she didn't care. She needed a break. And she wasn't talking about a day off hanging out at the Playground. No, she needed full blown solitary away from SHIELD. Which is how she found herself at the now abandoned Afterlife.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't have an ache in her chest the moment she stepped foot in the haunted place. As she walked around the abandoned place that once felt like home-now over run with dead weeds and dirt-she felt it. It was in the cold breeze that ruffled her short hair. It was in the soft crunching under her feet as she walked. It was in the silences that settled on every inch of this place.

 _Loneliness._

It wasn't the kind of loneliness felt when a loved one went away for a little while. This was the kind of loneliness that clawed its way under your skin. This was the kind of loneliness that settled into your heart, reminding you with every beat. This was the kind of loneliness that left you in utter despair. There was no escaping it.

She remembered this feeling well from her time spent in the orphanage. Only this time there was no hope for the future. There was no possibility of finding her family because she already had found them. And she destroyed them.

" _You know better than anyone if everything around you crumbles, then you're the cause."_

Her mother was dead, at the hands of her father, and her father had no memory of them. Late at night, when she is alone in her bunk, she can't help but wonder what would have happened if she had never been reunited with her family.

Her mother would still be alive.

Afterlife would still be in one piece and functional.

The Inhumans would be at peace. They wouldn't be being hunted down by Hydra.

The terrigen would have never gotten out.

Everything would have been better if it hadn't been for her. It didn't matter how much she tried and how hard she worked, the sting of what she'd done would always be with her. The burden she bared would forever lay atop her shoulder. She would not get closure.

The first place she went was the bridge where her mother killed Raina. A flash of disappointment flared up within her, but she swallowed it. It didn't take her long to find it. The traditionally Chinese gift her mother had given her mere hours before the truth came out and everything crumbled.

She ran her finger over it, memorizing it, before she slipped it into her pocket and heading to her second destination. SHIELD came to Afterlife to gather anything Inhuman related shortly after the war. They took everything from the record room and anything not destroyed in the explosion cause by the quinjet-which wasn't much-but they didn't have any reason to look in Jiaying's bedroom.

Daisy looked around the bedroom, memorizing every little detail. Her heartache was even stronger here. Her mother's presence was so strong that she almost believed she would turn around and Jiaying would be standing right behind her.

 _My sweet angel._

She walked to the small table in the middle of the room. There was a well-worn paperback book on it. The book itself was in Chinese. She had never gotten around to learning much Chinese. It was something she'd always wanted to do, but with everything going on she never got the chance.

She placed the book inside of her jacket with the intention of doing so before she headed to the trunk at the end of Jiaying's bed. She hadn't seen inside the trunk before, but it seemed like it was filled with things that were important to her mother.

" _I've had this old thing for as long as I could remember,"_ Jiaying had explained to her a few days after she learned that she was her mother.

" _I don't really have anything like that. Except this little hula girl I got shortly after I left the orphanage. I don't know what possessed me to buy it, but I did. It's still with the rest of my things with SHIELD."_ She replied almost regretfully.

" _Well, maybe one day, when things settle down, I can show you what's in here."_ She squeezed her mother's hand.

" _I'd like that."_ But that day never came. In reality, Jiaying was still a stranger to her. She didn't know much about her at all. That might be what hurt most of all. Her parents were in front of her for weeks and she barely knew them. Her lifelong searched ended in the worst way. She never expected to feel even more lost after she found her parents, but somehow, she did.

Kneeling down, she opened the trunk slowly. It was filled with pictures, books, and knick knacks of all kinds. Most of the stuff was old and worn. Daisy suspecting Jiaying didn't collect much after she was taken.

She felt tears fill her eyes as she looked at the different objects in the trunk. She would never get the chance to know this side of her mother. The woman who collected ornaments and classic books. The woman who cleaned the house before she woke her husband to tell him she was in labor. The woman who was smiling sleepily at the camera, holding a newborn baby. Holding _her._

She dropped the picture and sobbed into her hand. It was a gut wrenching sob that had her stomach hurting and her body shaking. As a child, she often wondered what she did to deserve this. What could she have possibly done as a baby to warrant such pain? Now, as she sat on the floor in her mother's room, she wondered what she could have done to prevent this.

As she began to put everything back in the trunk–sans for a few pictures-exhaustion settled on her. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in her bed and sleep. As she placed the last trinket in the trunk, something pink caught her eyes. It was buried under all of the books. Gently, Daisy dug it out. As her eyes traveled over the cover, her breath caught in her throat.

It was her baby book. Only the first ten or so pages were filled out. There was a page for each month she was, a few pages dedicated to her birth, and several with just pictures of the three of them. Her parents were so happy. They were smiling brightly in each picture. What did they do to deserve this?

She took out one of the photos of her. She couldn't have been more than a couple hours old. She was asleep, wrapped in a white blanket with yellow and pink daisies on it. On the back of the photo it read:

 _Daisy Louise Johnson_

 _July 2, 1988_

 _Our little miracle_

She pressed the photo against her chest as her violent, gut wrenching sobs returned. She curled into a ball and let everything go.

She cried for her mother. A woman that as once happy and caring, turned into a monster from the horrors of the world.

She cried for her father. A goofy man with dreams of forever, broken from the loss of his family and consumed by a promise he was desperate to keep.

She cried for herself. A girl with dreams to meet her birthparents, crushed by the yearning and desperation to find them and the disappointment that it turned out to be.

" _You might not like what you find."_

" _It can't be worse than I've imagined."_

They were doomed before they even started. There was never any hope. She cried and cried and cried until unconsciousness took over her body. It was only then that she felt some semblance of peace.

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Also, there may be a part two for when Daisy returns to the playground. Stay tuned.


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